Where do I go from here?? (Deepen Rambling.)

As the first aniversary date of becoming a Widdower draws ever nearer, I have, for a while, been considering "where I want to be" and what my needs are, how to create harmony in my life, that sort of thing. Well you know, after so many years of marriage (more than I choose to remember) it seems to be a whole new world and lifestyle, one which I dont understand fully. One thing of which is certain..........I do like the Bachelour thing though and quite often enjoy to be alone at my home just reflecting on this new found status. Not in a million years did I expect to find contentment with my own company as this is something not previously experienced also luxuriating within my own "Pile" in smug satisfaction. However, and this is the real Stonker, I do miss femail company although my almost daily activities include socialising with ladies, two of whom are great platonic friendly trainers. This said, recently like so many others it would seem, my considerations have been to look at "Dating internet sites" to find that the owners are the only ones to benefit therafter. Maybe we, and I include myself into this comment, expect too much instantly in this "Instant take away society" with everything, it would seem, "Ready made". There is one point which I feel is worth mentioning though and am quite aware how the following comments will upset quite a few folks but it is certainly strange to me why so many people advertise their marital status as "Devorced". Surely this is not something to wear like a "badge of honour", or even an achievement as it is a statement of failure in my book. Look, before anyone starts to throw their dummy out of their pram, let me say that my marriage was "Terminated", after nearly 50years, because I committed my Wife, by reason of necessity, to an Adult Mental Institution, not because of a breakdown of Vows. Believe me, this was traumatic in the extreme and to further exasibate this insult,I am seen by most as if to be telling lies, but yes it has happened.........Fact.!! Perhaps these comments would be seen by some as too harsh, but hey! read-on.......... During my limited activities in this field one cannot help noticing other various patterns like so many people looking for "Soulmates", marriage and that kind of thing like shopping in a supermarket with specific criteria in mind. Will someone please explain to me how to pick one of these "catagories" without actually contacting-meeting-speaking-smiling-laughing-touching, etc etc. What about feelings??? does nobody feel a "Buzz" or hear bells ringing? and what about on a first date experiencing that "Heartpounding" moment followed sometimes by hot flushes? The sound of the other persons voice or a certain mannerism, is all this Mating game digerydoo out of fashion? How can we know if the person we see on the 'putor screen is going to "float our boat?"........ so why dont more people "Get in there" and give it a go?? Well I suppose there is always two sides to a story and no doubt being as my intentions are honourable cannot appreciate this. It is quite noticable on more than one occasion, this remark about, "Are there any decent men still left out there?",well I am......... for one.........You know there is no such thing as, "All men/women are the same", we either are, or not and that is a fact..........Period! As for me? well if there is anyone who fancies meeting up sometime for a meal/drink, then perhaps becoming friends later with a genuine guy that I work hard to be these days, then let's exchange piccies and get talking.......Yeh?.................Give it a go!......................................Deepen.